In the words of Michelle Tanner, "Oh, puh-lease!"
I’m a few days late in posting this, but yeah… Crazy decided to text me this past weekend, after two and a half weeks of me cutting his ass loose.
And, unfortunately, no matter how much someone hurt me or was an ass to me, I can never be a cold bitch to them. I wound up telling him that I hope he finds peace with all he’s battling and allows happiness to exist, that he needs to not judge people when they’ve already lived thru their own regrets and repercussions, and that he wouldn’t like it if someone did the same to him.
How does he reply? By thanking me and then saying, "And I take it that there’s no chance of trying with you? Maybe I can get it right this time, seeing that the way I acted before was clearly wrong and pushed you away. I would like the chance to do it right."
(thinking to myself) …the chance to do it right?! You had multiple chances! You’re lucky I stuck around for as long as I did!
I replied to him, saying no, that I couldn’t trust that he’d changed in a matter of weeks, and I won’t put myself in a position to potentially be broken down again.
And, quite frankly, I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I have too much going on and I need to focus on getting myself stable again with work and stress with the potential of my Dad’s cancer returning. I’m emotionally spent and not ready to take anything on right now.
Crazy then had the balls to ask if I was too busy to hang out as friends instead.
Seriously?! I told him it’s way too soon for that, I’m not completely comfortable with the idea, and I don’t want him to think it would lead to anything else.
I mean, c’mon, you made me feel uncomfortable around you, and like I couldn’t talk to you openly without some judgment coming down. How in the world do you expect me to have a ‘friend’ that is like that?!
He finally got the hint and told me to take care and wished me well with everything.
…like I said before, they ALWAYS come crawling back. Weeks or months later, they realize what they had and how they messed up, and think that apologizing will automatically give them an ‘in.’
Too little, too late.
You know that line, “It’s not you, it’s me.”? It’s definitely not me, it’s you.
I sincerely thought his drama and issues were past us, which means I spoke too soon in my last post.
I cut him loose. I refused to be his verbal and emotional punching bag. I didn’t mind sticking it out with his trust issues and show him that not everyone is the same, but when it comes to being judgmental and having way more negative things to say to me instead of positive and put me down for stuff, I wasn’t about to have it any longer.
If you have that many problems, you really aren’t ready for a relationship, buddy. It’s sad that he had so many unfortunate things happen in his childhood and his adult life, but really, we all have some sort of damage or baggage. You can choose how you let it affect your future relationships.
He had the audacity to try and guilt trip me after I had told him I was over it all, saying that I was heartless and didn’t really ‘try.’ Actually, yes, I did. But after you apologized the first two times and still continued to make me feel terrible about myself, you started to sound like a broken record. I will absolutely take my dignity and run with it, thank you.
I’ve had more drama and stress in the last seven weeks than I had in my year+ relationships. No one should ever make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, be uncomfortable, or afraid to talk to them openly, or like you’ll always be afraid of them having some sort of negative remark, judgment, or jab at who you are.
I refuse to be that girl who gets stuck in the pattern of forgiving someone continuously just because I want a relationship. I’ve been in that place before, and it only gets worse.
And after his little guilt trip? He blew up my phone. Seven missed calls and two voicemails. And then, after he realized I wasn’t going to talk to him, he texts me to beg me to give it a chance, to change my mind and stay with him.
Seriously? I kept my dignity, you should have too.
I think the ‘Horrible Date’ gif needs to be combined with the ‘Psychotic Messages’ gif, mixed with the ill-feeling sound of nails on a chalkboard, (and throw in a little horror movie instrumental in the background while we’re at it), for the FULL effect that receiving psychotic messages really has on you.
When you get your first message:
When you send your first message:
When you go on an awesome date:
When you go on a horrible date:
When your match doesn’t email you back:
When your date doesn’t look like his online photos:
When you get bombarded with psychotic messages:
When you realize you will be forever alone:
this is beyond excellent.
this one’s been full of roller coasters. Emotionally speaking, that is.
Between everything with Pilot and then the Newb, (who ironically works in the aviation field as well, but only as a parts supplier — forgive me for not giving him an appropriate nickname yet), and then the Pilot trying to pop up again, it’s definitely been an interesting few months.
The Newb and I, (while we’ve only been dating for just over a month), have already had our share of ups and downs and hurdles to get over. Strange for it being this soon, one might say, but I honestly feel as if our ‘toughest’ time in dating has come and gone. From things we battle with, to pasts, to learning how each other works — it’s as if we’ve gotten the worst out of the way, and can focus completely on who we are now and how to grow together and complement one another.
We’re both Sagitarrius, (although he doesn’t really believe astrological signs play a role in who we are, I do believe many of our traits — of which, I pick up some from Scorpio, damn that cusp!), and we both have this irritating need to know EVERYTHING about someone. Sagitarrius are knowledge and truth seekers, as we believe in total honesty — no matter how blunt it can be — which is just how we speak. Sometimes the things we say, whether directed at people or while revealing our own truths, can cause major friction or displease.
After laying all of our cards out on the table, we had just that. We bumped heads and even pushed eachother away a bit. The outcome of it? We praised one another for coming out on top after all the terrible events that happened to us, as well as growing from our own mistakes, and appreciated the strength each of us has found as a result of it all. We can’t hold the other accountable for anything anyone else has done to us, nor can we hold our pasts against eachother NOW.
In school, I learned the phrase, "Get comfortable being uncomfortable." Sure, it’s a business thing, but dating and love ARE a business. There’s a lot of give and take, (much more give, of course), and your heart and soul are like little factories — both supplying love and demanding love in return.
Most people probably would have run like hell if such an instance happened so soon, but me and my curious nature had to stick it out to see what would come of it all. We resurfaced as the beautiful souls we first met, but with an added appreciation and deeper understanding of one another. We got all the ‘drama’ out of the way and can focus entirely on growing together and working as a team.
Yes, I said ‘team.’
I think this one’s going to be around for a while, and I’m eerily comfortable saying that. Normally, I’d get the whole ‘I don’t want to jinx it’ vibe, but I’m not afraid of that. At all.
I’m taking a leap here.
I even stopped my Match subscription…
I know. I’m surprised, myself.
Date #2 consisted of a late afternoon movie, (Ted, which was hilarious), followed by roaming a suburban fest, which was a bit of a letdown.
I had been to this particular fest growing up, which has definitely scaled down a bit since then, and after walking past what rides and games they did have, there wasn’t much else. Very little food to choose from, and the music wasn’t that great while we were there.
So, where did we wind up? In the Bingo tent. For two hours.
Now, that wasn’t that bad of a situation. I used to love going to Bingo with my Nana, Mom and Aunt when I was little, so it was a nice momentary trip down memory lane. And, quite frankly, it gave us the perfect opportunity to talk a lot.
Tonight’s discussions included everything from schooling, to shopping, to vacations and future career desires and goals. And, somewhere toward the end of the night, he had finally mentioned the upcoming work outing to the baseball game… I was quite surprised he had held out that long, honestly.
He had brought up the whole ‘pressure’ subject and re-clarified that he knows I want to take things a little slow and said if I wasn’t comfortable attending this early on, that he can bring a buddy instead. I told him I wasn’t bothered by him asking, it was more so the fact that we had just gotten thru the first date, and he was already asking for the second and third — at the same time. I explained that it was a bit overwhelming.
I guess he had just found out about the game that day and since the others are bringing their wives and girlfriends, he figured he’d ask me, to avoid being the only one without a date or wind up being the fifth or seventh wheel. It was just a matter of timing, I suppose.
And, not to disappoint on the entertainment factor, (because I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention to him my true initial thoughts on the whole scenario), I definitely told him that after talking with my girls, I was trying to figure out whether he was just excited and a little eager, or if he was a ‘stage five clinger’ who was pushing to have a relationship just to have one. He laughed and handled it well, even later joked about it, and then we got into a whole other conversation about past relationships and crazies we’ve dealt with.
When we finally called it quits on Bingo, we strolled out of the fest and wound up going to good ol’ McDonald’s for ice cream and sundaes. He then asked if I’d like to join him at the baseball game, and after seeing he handled the ‘stage five clinger’ topic so well, (let’s be honest, that could’ve went an entirely different direction), I figured I might as well. I suppose it didn’t hurt that he was a gentleman all night, as he was last week, and complimented me tonight on how pretty I looked…
Yeah, yeah, eyeroll. I’m a sucker for that shit, so bite me.
He doesn’t have much family left, so I guess it’ll be a good chance to meet his friends and coworkers, while having the opportunity to see how he is in a larger social situation, versus one on one.
One step at a time…
Pilot texted me tonight, because he was in town, and said he was ‘thinking about me.’
I saw right thru it and shot him down.
Seriously, three and a half weeks after I cut you off because you couldn’t make a commitment, and you think now I’ll be friendly and fall for your scheme?
I NEXT’ed you. Deal with it.
Please, explain to me why you care which form of teeth cleansing products I use. Shouldn’t it matter that one uses them to begin with, rather than which type?
Having issues with message notifications, so I’m sorry if this is delayed — thank you! I’m glad others can learn from, or laugh at, the experiences I have!
Today, when picking out a movie and time for our date Saturday (which will be followed by an outing to a fest going on), he brought up that there’s a big fireworks show taking place at the golf course his house is on on the Fourth.
o.O For real?
I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, by giving date #2 a chance, and now you not only have #3 planned, but a potential fourth?! Making date #s 2, 3, and 4 all within 5 days?
Sweet baby Jesus, you’re not making your case seem any better! One step at a time! It’s hard to give things a chance when you’re making me want to tip toe backwards.
Edit: After seeing a reply, I had to fill you in that I DO intend on having a chat with him. I’m not one to bite my tongue when something doesn’t feel right. He already knows of my prior Match experience, and claimed to understand I wanted to take things slower this time around, (hence the ‘no pressure’ mini golf date he suggested), so I really shouldn’t have to point it out again. Like I said, I’m giving him a chance and seeing how date #2 plays out first, and then bringing it up at the end. I want to see if he’s just being eager and genuinely excited or if he’s absolutely just being clingy and pushy. It’s definitely an in-person type of convo to be had, so I won’t bring it up beforehand, because I don’t want the date to be a disaster or start off on a bad foot and make it completely impossible to recover.
So I finally agreed to date #2 this Saturday, and what happens? He already has #3 planned, saying that if we have another great date, he’d like to take me to his work outing at a baseball game next week.
Can we get thru these one at a time?!
Oh, and after I’m caught offguard with him bringing up the work outing, I jokingly ask if he’s already wanting to show me off, and that’s why he’s asking. He said it was just a thought and to 'not be scared of the forward thinking.'
I like forward thinkers and have no problem meeting friends and coworkers early on, but bub, you better not be pushy on Saturday. I really want to give you a fair shot, but you’re making it hard for me to push the ‘stage five clinger’ thoughts away.
Don’t be overzealous this early! It either comes off as you’re clingy and willing to take anything that comes your way, or you’re way too excited this early on.
I really hope I can look back at this one day and laugh that it was just his excitement getting the best of him, instead of looking back and wishing I wasn’t right about the ‘clingy’ vibe…
Date was Saturday. He already asked twice about the next date, on Sunday and again yesterday.
I’m waiting to see if he’s going to ask again today, lol.
I feel bad for just telling him ‘soon,’ but A) I don’t want to jump into seeing him too much too soon, and 2) I’m still trying to determine if he’s a Stage Five Clinger.
Edit: Literally, as soon as I hit ‘create post,’ he asked again…
Ladies: How do you feel about this? Read my last blog if you need to hear the full story.
I got a little caught up at the art store stocking up on canvas and supplies for an idea I thought of for a painting, and didn’t realize until I looked at my receipt on the way out what time it was.
I had just spent more than an hour and a half there, and now had 20 minutes to get home, change, freshen up, and be on the road.
Thankfully, I already planned out what I was wearing earlier in the day, so that cut out a few extra minutes of that "OMG I have nothing to wear" or "I’m not comfortable in any of this, because I’m now stressed" feeling.
That bought me extra time to take my pups out and get them fed, but then my hair decided not to cooperate curling, because of the humidity. It worked out in the end, because the loose waves were a better look for the outfit I wore, but the extra time fussing with my hair caused me to not leave on time.
I left the house in a little bit of a panic and of course, just as my luck would have it, hit every single red light and got caught in traffic on the way to the mini golf place. I went to grab my phone to let him know, when I then realized we NEVER exchanged phone numbers.
It seriously never occurred to me, because we had sent so many messages, and many of them were lengthy. After agreeing to the date days prior, I guess I expected him to throw his number out there, but he never did, so I didn’t either.
I pulled into a coffee shop parking lot to pull up Match on my phone, in hopes of him maybe leaving his number last minute, but he hadn’t. I sent him a message that said: “I didn’t think about it earlier, but we didn’t exchange numbers. I’m stuck in traffic right now so I might be five or ten minutes late. Sorry, it’s a terrible first impression!!” and included my number.
At that point, I had 15 min until our date, yet was 25-30 away, thanks to traffic, and I thought it was unlikely he’d get my message. I immediately felt like an asshole and imagined him showing up on time at the place, not hearing from me, and thinking he got stood up… and then, my phone rings.
It’s him! Phew. He kind of poked fun at the whole ‘great first impression’ thing, but was understanding and asked how far I was. We talked the rest of the 20 min until I got there, which was 15 min late.
Looking back, I’m glad I shared with him how art was a big part if my life growing up, and that I’ve been painting more over the last few years, because he was understanding about my lateness being caused by getting hypnotized in the art store for so long.
I pull into the parking lot, into a space next to him. We both get out of our Jeep branded vehicles, (ironic), and greet each other with a smile… and he goes in for a hug.
A little unexpected for first meeting, but I was ok with it.
We head inside, he pays for our mini golf, and I offer to get him something to drink, because I was thirsty and needed a little sugar boost. Yay for slurpees.
We picked one of the two courses they had, and decided after we finished to do the other. Two rounds of mini golf, lots of getting to know each other in between, giving the other a hard time for going over par, of course, and high-fived when either of us got a hole in one. It was nice that we could go from serious topics to sarcasm and back to sharing with one another easily.
After we finished the second course, we sat outside by the cars and talked for a few minutes. We were having good conversation, and neither of us seemed to want to halt that, so he asked if I wanted to go get ice cream or a drink somewhere. I asked him if he had eaten yet, because I hadn’t since noon, and he hadn’t either. So, we decided to go grab dinner and a drink. I hopped in his Jeep, and we took a short drive down the road to Friday’s.
We continued conversation there, in which we talked more about family, friends, work, and pets, and then the topic of our Match experiences came up, and how long we had both been signed up. Both of us had been on between two and two and a half months. He said he’d only met four other women, and they were all “one and done’s” as he put it… meaning one date was all it took to know it wasn’t going anywhere.
I was a little surprised, but didn’t ask if he had gotten to know any of them much beforehand. I told him it would take me 2-3 dates before I knew or not, because the first date is the ice breaker where you’re still getting to know each other, and the second date is like the second chance to make it or break it — to get comfortable around one another and see if there’s more chemistry there than just an attraction, whether physically or mentally.
He was a little shocked at that response, but said he understood, especially since I told him from the get-go that I was going to handle this time around a little cautiously. He then proceeded to tell me that he knew it wasn’t a “one and done” when we hugged outside the mini golf place right when we met, and that he kind of already felt I might be a “keeper” after that and knowing how much we have in common.
I was caught off guard with that and freaked out in my head a bit, that it was way too soon to tell something like that. But, I kept my composure, and just smiled and asked “Really?”
Don’t get me wrong. He’s a gentleman, opening every single door and car door, letting me do everything first, and was completely kind and we connect on a lot of things… But… I’m not sure how I feel with someone saying that on the first date.
He could later turn out to be everything I’m looking for, but since I don’t feel he’s a “keeper” just yet, it weirded me out hearing him say that so soon. I’m not one to jump into anything just to have someone, but I’m also not the kind of person who can rule someone out after one date when we do share a lot of similarities.
Call it being guarded, call it having baggage, call it whatever you want. You can’t rush feelings. It needs time to develop. You can’t force something, no matter how bad you want it, or just to have it, and you also can’t completely deny it the chance either.
I’d been delaying this post, because I wanted to process everything and because I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt yet. I still don’t completely, but I have to keep telling myself that’s okay, because it was only the first date. He might be a clinger, or he might have just been nervous and overzealous. He might have had one of those “love at first sight” moments you hear about. I’ve never had one, but I won’t let that stop me from letting someone prove themselves.
After all, actions > words. Always.
First date tonight with a new Match.
I’m not nervous or excited, though. It’s weird. I think it’s because I don’t want to have any expectations or get my hopes up, because that excited-ness last time around wound up wasted on someone who portrayed himself as a totally different person.
This new one seems nice. Yes, I’m using the word ‘seems’ from now on, because you never know now… He and I have been messaging a lot for the last week and a half. I let him know by the second or third message that I was going to take this slow, because I just had a sour experience with someone I met on Match, and want to be sure the person I’m getting to know is really who they are portraying and they’re really on the site to find something serious. He totally understood, and we continued messaging a few times a day, every day, since.
Our messages have pretty much covered a wide spectrum, and once family was brought up in question, we swapped some stories and related to one another. After some different topics, he’s mentioned a couple times at how taken aback he is by my positivity and kindness and open mind. It’s nice to hear other people appreciate those qualities.
So, we’ll see.
By the way, our date? Mini golfing. Totally his idea. He suggested it a couple days ago, as something fun and to take the pressure off and let our personalities come out. He hasn’t gone since he was a kid, while I make it a point to go at least once a year. This might be a little unfair to him…